Beef

My worst beef story: Anthony is at TGIF. Waiter, a steak. How would you like it, sir? Well my man, well done. As you wish, sir. 15 minutes later, Here you go, sir. I cut a piece. It takes a little sawing. A bite and then a chew and a chaw later, Waiter, what’s a shoe doing on my plate? He thought for a moment. Then, Sir can I bring you a Vichyssoise? You can ask, Waiter, what’s a fly doing in my soup? And I will say, The backstroke I believe, sir. Har, har, har, went Tony. (This is not a true story. TGIF doesn’t serve a goddamed Vichyssoise.)

My best beef story: Tony is at a steakhouse. Waiter, a steak. How would you like it, sir? Why, medium rare, there’s no other way, is there? Har, har, har, goes Tony. Pretentious dick, goes the waiter in his mind. (This is a true story.)